Giralda Tower - Seville - Spain (von Dorli Photography)
I’d lost weight. And I’d had such a brilliant, positive two weeks and been so sure that I must have gained, from all the progress I’d made and challenges I’d faced. So it was pretty frustrating and disappointing. And my therapist/nurse/counsellor person is notorious for making me feel like crap when I haven’t gained.. So yeah, it sucked. But I won’t dwell on it. Onwards and upwards!
Thank you love, I’ve realised now that sitting around feeling sad and sorry for myself because I haven’t gained will get me nowhere. I won’t let myself feel like a failure anymore. It’s far more productive to get angry with my eating disorder for everything it’s taken from me, and use that anger to fight back as hard as I can
Thank you, I’m feeling pretty wonderful right now! It was a challenge because my boyfriend sat there the entire time and refused all offers of food but screw that. I don’t need other people to be eating to allow me to eat too. I don’t need anybody’s permission. I ate what I wanted and it feels good :)
I’m so so glad that I’m helping people in some way, it’s the least I can do after all the incredible support and advice I’ve received from this community. Thank you sweetheart, that really means a lot. Messages like this remind me that it’s all worth it <3
I took all that frustration and upset from my weigh in yesterday, and I used it to achieve this.
Richmond Park - London - England (von wwarby)
Thank you, I’m going to really try <3
Thank you sweetpea *u*
1. I took bloods on my own today with absolutely no supervision!
2. I also clerked a patient on my own (I was the first medic to see them on the ward, and took a history/examination etc) and I presented my findings to the Registrar, with my initial diagnosis and we did bloods/xray etc and I WAS RIGHT. Just call me Dr Victoria :)
3. My boyfriend is coming round tonight and we’re going to watch Forrest Gump (the uncultured fool has never seen it!!) and eat ben and jerry’s
4. My favourite feeling in the world is the warmth of sunshine on my face. I’m easily pleased
5. I love the smell of fish food. It reminds me of long summer days in my grandparents’ garden when I was tiny, feeding the koi carp with my grandpa
Because that’s what your eating disorder wants you to believe. Your disorder wants you to be sick, so it’ll make you believe you don’t need to recover. Which proves that you absolutely are sick enough, if your thoughts are still that way. Also, even by medical definitions, you’re severely underweight at BMI 17.
The medical definition of anorexia, by the way, has nothing to do with any specific BMI. If I remember correctly, it’s: A fear of weight gain, a refusal to keep the body above a certain healthy weight, distorted body image, obsession with food etc etc. There’s nothing in there about BMI, they just use it as a diagnostic and prognostic tool, and to see how you’re progressing in recovery.
Recovery was never meant to be easy, if it was, we’d all have done it by now. I don’t know if you saw my post yesterday, but I’m not doing very well physically at all. But mentally, I’m strong enough to keep fighting and not be too disheartened. I know you are too. You can do this. Think of everything you’ll have to give up if you get sicker. You won’t be able to do the job you’ve been dreaming of, no kids, no friends, no future. Then think about the incredible life you’ll gain if you stick to recovery. It’s going to be so so worth it, I promise.
You can do this, keep fighting <3
bigliettoperroma replied to your photo “Look at this absolute beast of a dinner! I was inspired, rather than…”
gravy AND ketchup?? you’re a true northener, I don’t even recognise you
It’s finally happened. The northerners have won, I’ve been converted. A week and a half in Barnsley and I’m dropping my “the"s to "t’"s like it’s nobody’s business. Today I genuinely said "I’ll just go get t’doctor".
Thank you sweetie <3
1. I passed my catheter assessment yesterday on the first attempt, which means I am now officially qualified to stick tubes up people’s penises :S
2. This time in 12 days I will be totally relaxed, lying on a sun lounger, reading a book, by the pool at the gorgeous villa we’re renting in Spain
3. I haven’t spoken Spanish since A levels 3 years ago, so I need to brush up a bit before we go..
4. I’m getting a new car next month!! A Toyota Yaris probably. And this time it might actually have air con!!
5. I drink hot water and lemon like it’s going out of fashion, it’s so soothing and lovely, everybody should try it!
Oh my gosh thank you for the tip off, I’ll be heading there after my shift then!
Breakfast to die for: lots and lots of porridge with nutella hidden under a mountain of banana and sultanas :)